his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We need to rekindle our bromance
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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