So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
