Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
