I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
