Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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