I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
