I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
