either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize