i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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