When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
