Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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