She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
