She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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