It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
