may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .