So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
cat food counts as protein by the way
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
