even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
