i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
