there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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