things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
