Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
