If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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