im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
