I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
