I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
