im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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