I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
...so i touched it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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