Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
