I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
