It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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