all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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