My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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