i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize