She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
