The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
