I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
