Where is the hickey?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
