I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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