So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
