I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
