I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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