Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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