I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just pee around me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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