Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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