i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
