And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
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we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.