I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars