I'm gonna have a badass scar
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out