Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends