omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
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I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos