i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
