i'm home, then i'll come over
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work