she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Two words: blizzard sex
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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