you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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