I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
