My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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