I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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