every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
