i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Of course I have a pirate flag
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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