I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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