Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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