How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
