He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
