Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
