My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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