if only i could text you this smell
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This is classic penis vs brain.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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