Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
