it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
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He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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