oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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