Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
