I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
