The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
