at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
