Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
