My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Welp...herpes.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
