Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
