Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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