Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
