I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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