i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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