my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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