I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The adults are the big ones right?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
