Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
