glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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