Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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