hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
